Disappointment is a natural part of life—but that doesn’t make it easy to handle, especially for children. Whether it’s a canceled playdate, a lost game, or a special plan that falls through, kids often experience these letdowns with raw emotion. As parents, we may feel tempted to fix the situation or downplay their sadness, but that can leave our children feeling unheard or misunderstood.
Fortunately, there are practical steps we can take to help our children navigate the difficult emotions that come with disappointment. In the process, we’ll not only support them through a tough moment, but we’ll also be teaching emotional skills that will serve them for a lifetime.
1. Lead with Empathy, Not Explanation
Our first instinct is often to convince our child that the disappointment isn’t a big deal—especially when it wouldn’t bother us personally. But minimizing or dismissing your child’s feelings can make things worse.
Let’s say you had planned a zoo trip, but it’s raining. Instead of saying, “It’s not a big deal—we’ll go another time,” try:
“I’m really sorry we can’t go to the zoo today because of the weather. I know you were really looking forward to it.”
Offering a hug in this moment can reinforce the empathy you’re showing. What children want most is to have their feelings validated. Being told they’re overreacting, too emotional, or selfish for being disappointed will only prolong their negative feelings. Validation is the first step toward emotional regulation.
2. Let Your Child Express What They Wanted
After empathizing with your child’s disappointment, invite them to express what they were hoping for.
Let them talk about how much they were looking forward to the activity or event. Say things like:
“It would’ve been such a fun day at the zoo if it were sunny. I love seeing the monkeys, and I know you do too.”
This isn’t wallowing—it’s healthy reflection. Talking about what they’re missing helps children fully process the emotion rather than stuffing it down.
3. Explore New Options Together
Once your child has had time to feel and express their disappointment, you can gently move to the problem-solving phase. Acknowledge that while an alternative may not be quite as exciting, it can still be enjoyable:
“I know the zoo would’ve been great, but I know you’ve been wanting to go bowling. What if we go this afternoon and invite your cousins?”
While it’s ideal for children to suggest their own alternatives, when they’re feeling down, they may need your help getting started. Offer several ideas and encourage your child to brainstorm with you.
If your child chooses one of the options, praise their resilience:
“I’m proud of you for making the best of a tough situation.”
Sometimes, your child might even say they enjoyed the backup plan more than the original one. If that happens, reflect:
“Isn’t it funny how sometimes we end up loving something unexpected when our plans change?”
Just be careful not to imply that the disappointment wasn’t real or valid. The goal is to help your child shift forward, not feel guilty for being upset in the first place.
4. Practice Builds Resilience
Some children are more sensitive to disappointment than others. That’s okay. With repeated practice—and your consistent support—your child can learn to handle letdowns with increasing maturity and confidence. You’ll find fun activities to practice managing disappointment in Training Aliens Level 1.
Be sure to read the next post in this series here.
